You wait for something your whole life. You dream about the day your waiting will be fruitful. Being a doctor was such an awaited dream of mine. And when that day pounced on me in the form of a result with the statement “passed” , I suddenly felt like a deer in front of the headlights. I was happy and praised the Almighty for His providence. But the happiness was entwined with a tinge of fear and anticipation. Yes! I’m finally a Doctor!! But am I competent enough for this?? Can I handle this? My head was buzzing with a zillion doubts.
I can recall with extreme precision the first day of medical college. Sitting in the new class room, I listened to the lecture on carbohydrates intently. Four and half years from now, I am going to be a doctor; a really good one, I vowed. But towards the end of my final year, I met uncertainty at my heart’s door. Would my knowledge and skills suffice the requisites for a good doctor? Will people be able to trust me with their lives? How useful will I be to God’s work? I have realised my calling is to be a missionary doctor. But am I competent enough for that work? I gave my final exams with all these questions battling in my mind’s background. With a sinking feeling I realised that I am simply nothing but a failure. But the university deemed me fit to pass and have the victor’s crown.
As I was waging a losing battle against my fears and frailty, I heard that tiny voice in my soul- christ didn’t want the best or the most competent person for the job He has called you for. He wants you. So be faithful and give it your best. I thank this Counsellor of my soul for that encouragement. Yes, why did I forget who the author of my story is?? He is the best- creative, caring and with a purpose. He has brought me thus far. Can I not trust Him to carry me forward?? After all, the story so far was definitely worth the read! So looking forward to the next chapter through the lens of faith. I’m sure I won’t be disappointed!!