The War Declaration

05:55PM…reported my alarm. I checked again. The internet connection was better here at the porch than in my room. Next to me was a  file with the necessary documents. A spellbounding( read as death spell) photo of me holding a card with name and the date of photography( almost resembling a convict on her way for the murder trial) and my signature were downsized to the specified requirements and ready in my phone. I checked the time again. 05:59pm. In another minute the mayhem would start. I was just one of the many doctors in India waiting for the postgraduate entance exam registration to commence at 6Pm. Getting an accessible center to give your exam is quite the  herculean task. There were many friends who had to travel to other states the previous year. Hence everyone was waiting to log in and register as soon as the site opens.

06:02pm. Nothing. No signs of life on the National Board of Education page.  The wait was taking a toll on my patience. My legs were moving in tune with my restlessness till my granmom gave “The” glance. I started pacing about. The fact was,my brain was more restless  than my body.  It was like someone had started a slideshow from the folder titled “my exam worries” in my head. The questions flashed around. “Good Lord,what is going to happen?” “Will I clear this time?” “If so,which college?” “and if not??!” “Which subject does the Lord want me to take?” “what about that dream college?”..”and those other  silly dreams”…..

Somewhere between this slideshow and 6:15pm, the registration started. As expected there were gliches. The Whatsapp group of batchmates was buzzing with queries and clarifications. Few minutes down the lane, I realised my efforts were in vain. Hence I called up my parents for assistance. Soon they were sorting it out with  few instructions contibuted by me.

“Your registration has been completed successfully”,the site informed me. I checked the time-9:44Pm! Nearly four hours spent for just the application! And let’s not forget,this is just the war declaration. The final battle is on January 6th. But before that there are many more minor battles to be fought. The 19 giants of medicine jeer at me from the battle ground. While fighting them on the main front, there are  also the other minor battles along the sidelines…finding a new job, a life partner(which according to the society is THE major thing right now…I am TWENTY FIVE..remember?!)…fighting illness in the family and then the other tiny flakes of quarter life crisis( does that term exist?!)  which come as unforseen guerrilla wars. There is this crazy battle of yore that I am always reminded of when I think of my impossible battles. A large group of people, not really great trained war heroes,were on a mission to conquer a city that was promised to them. But their battle stratergies were slightly different. And definitely queer. They marched around the city they were to conquer for seven days and on the last day,their priests blew the trumpets and the gigantic city wall came down. That is the story of how the Israelites entered Jericho. They were promised by the Living God that they can conquer the land of Canaan. But it did not come free of cost. They were given clear instructions to march and blow trumpets. And when they obeyed, victory shone on them. Now did the walls of Jericho really fall because of the marching? No. It was the Lord who brought them down. Similarly, when I face my giants, I know very well that it is not my doing but it is the Lord’s grace. My only duty is to have faith in Christ…not the wavering type but the rock hard faith..even if it is as tiny as a mustard seed. And to be faithful to the work entrusted to me. I have to molest my brain with everything from anatomy to pediatrics, read, re-read, scribble,revise and give it my best. But in the end,when I get through this,it will not be because of anything I did. It will only be the indescribable grace of Christ.

And so off I go to my march with biochemistry!20181103_214838


Nothing but a recipient of Christ's grace. I am a young doctor and I use this space to find meaning in the bedlam of my thoughts. My blog might resonate with the screams of a young adult finding her place in life, the stench of hospital corridors, images of the many people who intrigue me and the lessons my Saviour Jesus teaches me.

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